AL West
Texas Rangers
Slogan: "It's Time" Love this slogan, especially considering how versatile the phrase is. Need a base hit with runners on down one? It's Time. Need to make a run for beers in the 7th inning before last call? It's Time. Been holding out on using the bathroom until your favorite hitter takes his cuts? It's Time. Brilliant.
Promotion: Rangers Chest Protector Backpack (August 29). What kid wouldn't want to rock this backpack at school? Well done.
The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Slogan: "Tradition since 1961" Presumably this slogan ties into the Angels hosting the All-Star game this year. You know what is also a tradition since 1961? Changing the team
identity. The 1961 squad was originally known as the Los Angeles Angels, then became the California Angels, then the Anaheim Angels, before finally settling on Arte Moreno's preferred moniker, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (which strangely translates to The The Angels Angels of Anaheim). Aesthetic change is nothing new for Californians, so perhaps the name nips and tucks are an ingrained part of Angels tradition.Promotion: Hideki Matsui blankie giveaway (April 6). Given Matsui's preferred programming, I shudder to think what he'll likely be doing under his blankie. Eew.
Seattle Mariners
Slogan: "Believe Big"
Promotion: These retro Griffey bobblehead looks great (April 16), but what's up with the Ichiro designed T-shirt (May 1)? You're telling me the same guy that wore these jeans designed and approved that shirt? Dubious at best. Compared to Ichiro's typical fashion, that shirt is just plainful (plain + painful).
Oakland Athletics
Slogan: "Green Collar Baseball"
Promotion: Roy Steele bobblehead (April 17). The A's public address announcer gets rewarded for his years of service. Interestingly, Roy Steele is the older brother of the famed wrestler, George "the Animal" Steele* (*facts may be embellished in an attempt to make A's baseball interesting).
Al Central
Minnesota Twins
Slogan: "Target Field Inagural Season 2010" You gotta love the Midwest. Nowhere else would "pork chop on a stick" be anything but a late night drunken epiphany. Other concession highlights at the Twins new park include cheese curds, cheddar filled bratwursts, beer filled bratwursts, and full fat ice-cream. All this being available in the same place Joe Mauer plays brings only one thing to mind for Minnesotans.
Promotion: Minnie and Paul bobbleheads (July 4). I'm a little confused as to the background story behind Minne and Paul here. Sure, we all know Paul is a saint, but what's up with Minnie's lack of eye contact on the handshake exchange? You too good to look Paul in the eye? The arm extension fools no one, Minnie! You've been jealous of Paul ever since he got sainted, haven't you!?
Detroit Tigers
Slogan: "Always a Tiger" Another way to phrase this slogan would be "we know you're stuck in Detroit, let's all try to make the best of this."
Promotion: Justin Verlander bobblehead with K-counter (April 30). Brilliant addition to the bobblehead. Let's take this a step further, shall we? A Joel Zumaya bobblehead with a MPH reading? Yes. A Jim Leyland bobblehead with a counter for the number of cigarettes hacked post-game in his office? Sure. A Miguel Cabrera bobblehead with breathalyzer showing blood alcohol content? Ok, maybe that one's going too far.
Chicago White Sox
Slogan:"It's Black and White." Oh, is that so, White Sox? Then I'm going to need someone to explain these. That's clearly gray in your jersey! There's always a gray area. Always.
Promotion: Instead of a bobble-head, the Sox are giving away a bobble-hands doll (September 18) in honor of their ground breaking organist, Nancy Faust. Unfortunately, no pictures provided. Given what I know about organist's hands after years of playing, that may be for the best.
Cleveland Indians
Slogan: "Are You in the Tribe?" If I was asked this by someone at an Indians game, I would probably fumble over my answer like the bridge keeper in this clip (skip to the 2 minute mark to start). Is there any way to comfortably answer that question without offending someone?
Promotion: Grady Sizemore Wall Catch (July 24, no pictures provided). Let's hope that the Indians marketing team are referring to the outfield wall and not Grady's facebook wall, which undoubtedly was bombarded with friend requests after he sent these out (NSFW). Incidentally, anyone else find it a little curious that the Indians are hosting "Faith and Family Day" (May 8th) at Progressive Field?
Kansas City Royals
Slogan: "It All Happens Here" I actually thought this slogan would be more appropriate for the Dallas Cowboy's new stadium (NSFW).
Promotion: Royals Jersey Cooler (August 21). I think these jersey beer coozies could be the next big thing in promotional giveaways. Just look at how much better that light domestic lager looks sitting in that jersey. And so little! I feel like I could drink that guy in one gulp.
AL East
New York Yankees
Slogan: "27" Leave it to the Yankees to have a number represent an entire season. Well played, marketing department (gritting teeth). The logo on the website is actually a pretty cool design meshing the pinstripes with the world series trophy.
Promotion: Nothing very exciting here. The Yankees actually charge a $2.99 fee for looking at promotions on their website* (*not true, but someday it probably will be).
Tampa Bay Rays
Slogan: "What's Important Now" (note: acronym spells W.I.N.). This slogan cuts right to the heart of the core Rays fans, namely that their average fan is 85 years old and knows how important now really is. Another perfect reading of the market by the Ray's young front office.
Promotion: Evan Longoria bobblehead (June 27). Is it just me or does Longoria's bobblehead make him look totally busted? He must have really upset someone over at the bobblehead design department. This is doing no favors for Longoria's recent ad campaign starring him as a suave action hero.
Boston Red Sox
Slogan: "The Nation Lives" This slogan reminds me of They Live, one of the more underrated John Carpenter movies. Remember the premise? Roddy Piper (yes, that Roddy Piper) comes across a pair of sunglasses that allow him to see aliens that have disguised themselves as humans in an attempt to fool people while taking over the earth. Likewise, the Red Sox have been disguising their free agent stopgaps (Lackey, Scutaro, Cameron) in an attempt to fool sabermaticians into convincing them they are the missing parts to a Red Sox championship. When oh when is Bill Simmons going to find his alien glasses? Someone has to see through this diabolical plot!
Promotion: No promotions listed.
Baltimore Orioles
Slogan: "This is Birdland" Also heard in Camden Yards when birds are
flying overhead: "That is Birdpooh."Promotion: Replica Brooks Robinson Jersey (July 17). I cannot tell a lie, I wanted to focus on a Matt Wieters promotion simply so I could drop some Matt Wieters Facts (MWF). But that retro Brooks Robinson pullover is pretty sweet. Oh well, I'll link to MWF's anyway. I'll throw my hat into the MWF ring: As Yogi Berra once said, "It ain't over till Matt Wieters swings." Not bad, right?
Toronto Blue Jays
Slogan: "You Belong at the Game" Leave it to the Canadians to tell us where we do and don't belong. America does not work that way and I can belong to whatever I like, thank you very much. That's two old man "hurrumphs" in your general direction, Canada. Don't act like you don't hear me.
Promotion: A Dave Stieb bobblehead (August 29) tops the list. In other words, nothing worth noting here. Better press on.
NL West
Colorado Rockies
Slogan: None.
Promotion: Coors Light cooler bag (June 24). They should double this promotion as Nascar fan appreciation day and allow everyone with a paid ticket to fill up their cooler with as much alcohol as they want to take into the game. Is it widely understood yet that the main reason for Nascar's popularity is its policy to allow fans to bring in as much food and booze as they want? I've been to a Nascar race. Never have I seen so many giant coolers on wheels in my life. It's like drinking in a beer garden watching one of those scoreboard races that come on in between innings, only for hours.
San Francisco Giants
Solgan: "It's Magic Inside" Alright, this one's a layup. Want to know where the magic was? In Tim Lincecum's car as he crossed the border between Oregon and Washington. Magic indeed.
Promotion: Beat LA beach towel (July 30, no picture provided). Why no pictures? This Giants skateboard deck (May 30) isn't bad, either. I'm sure people who skateboard to baseball games would agree with Timmy that there certainly is magic inside.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Slogan: "This is My Town" This was actually the title of Frank McCourt's opposition brief in his ongoing divorce proceedings with his wife. A ton of ink has been written about this already, and there's a legitimate chance that the divorce will necessitate a change in ownership (scroll down to 3rd to last question). That's right Dirty J! Klaw says your Dodgers are being sold, and what Klaw says is the (K)law! Hope you enjoyed all those World Series appearances Manny brought you (wait, they didn't get there? even better!).
Promotion: Matt Kemp action figure (June 3). For most adult males, this picture already made Matt Kemp an action hero. I think it's safe to assume that Kemp's action figure character comes with superhuman grip.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Slogan: None.
Promotion: Mother's Day Designer Tote Bag (May 9). Alright, so it's not really a manly giveaway, but this tote actually looks usable, which is more than you can say for most ballpark giveaways. I would be pay at least $8 for this on the street (in other words, about $3 more than I'd pay to watch Rodrigo Lopez pitch).
San Diego Padres
Slogan: "SD stands for San Diego" Glad we got that cleared up. As it turns out, SD can also stand for a lot of things. Snoop Dog, South Dakota, Steely Dan, Sudan Airways, sexual dysfunction. The Fathers may have opened up a can of SD anger with that slogan (trust me, you do not want to mess with an angry Steely Dan. How terrifying is that picture? That will haunt me in my dreams).
Promotion: Beat LA T-shirts (May 15, no picture provided). How nice of the Giants and the Dodgers to kick the Dodgers when they're down.
NL Central
St. Louis Cardinals
Slogan: N/A
Promotion: Vince Coleman Bobblehead night (July 30). For one reason or another, I always associated Vince Coleman with those SoulGlo ads from Coming to America. Can you believe that Coleman averaged just under 109 stolen bases his first three years in the league? Perhaps more amazingly, he stole 107 bases in 1986 with an OPS of just .581 (yes, .581, that is not a misprint). There's no way a sub .600 OPS sniffs anywhere near 670 at bats nowadays. To top it off, Vince was doing this while mostly playing left field of all places (typically a position reserved for one of the team's best hitters). Vince, I hardly knew ye.
Milwaukee Brewers
Slogan: "I'd rather beer here" Alright, I made that one up, but you have to admit it would totally work for the Brew Crew. The Brewers actually don't have a slogan this year. Bernie Brewer should hang his head in shame.
Promotion: C.C. Sabathia bobblehead (August 29). A lot of people might opt for the Italian sausage bobblehead from the sausage race (August 8), but not me. Just look at this beauty, CC looks like he could eat the Italian, the bratwurst and the chorizo all in one bite. Query: does Sabathia have the least games played for a former team while still active for another while earning a bobblehead without being traded in-season? He has to, right?
Cincinnati Reds
Slogan: "Rediscover your weekend state of mind." This is actually a tie-in
with the Cincinnati tourism board, encouraging visitors to catch a Reds game while in town.Promotion: Singles Night (April 9). The premise of this promotion is simple - you wear your shirt if you're single and hit/get hit on by other singles wearing their shirts. Kudos to the marketing department for scheduling this on a Friday night with the Cubs in town, a fan base well known for both traveling and boozing mightily. I think some Reds fans might rediscover a little more than their weekend state of mind on April 9.
Chicago Cubs
Slogan: "Year 1" So that's where all those Lehman Brother's accountants went! They went from cooking the books on Wall Street to transforming 101 years of failure to just one for the Cubs. Someone needs to inform Tom Ricketts quickly, before he actually pays money for this team. It's also good thing nobody actually watched this movie. Otherwise, the Cubs would probably have a patent infringement suit on its hands.
Promotion: Cubs Old Style knit cap (April 30). Nothing says Chicago Cubs more than Old Style; it's outdated, overpriced, and generally a terrible product. On the other hand, it gets you drunk. That pretty much sums it up right there.
Houston Astros
Slogan: None.
Promotion: Jose Cruz Bobblehead (April 24). The Nolan Ryan Bobblehead (June 19) is pretty fantastic (the tip of the cap is a nice touch), but nothing compares to the neon atrocity that were the old Astros jerseys shown on Cruz here. The stirrup socks detailing round out a pretty fantastic giveaway.
Pittsburgh Pirates
Slogan: "Pride. Passion. Pittsburgh Pirates." That's nice of the Pirates to let us play a familiar childhood game with their slogan. Remember how the song goes? One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is not the same.
Promotion: Established in 1887 Cap (May 7). Great idea, awful execution. You can't fool me, Pirates. There's almost no chance your 1887 squad wore this number, what with it's stitching and color and bendable materials. A quick google search of baseball in 1887, and it's clear what's going on here. The Pirates are being cheap and are yet again denying their fans what they properly deserve. Namely, oversized top hats, just like they were worn in good ole '87. If the fans don't stand up for their rights on this, I just don't know if baseball will ever truly make it back to Steel town.
NL East
Philladelphia Phillies
Slogans: None. Apparently last year's marketing campaign was disapproved in school districts outside of
Philly. Who knew?Promotion: The Phanatic Name and Star T-shirt (April 19) doesn't look too bad. I really like the idea of a Shane Victorino foam finger, though (June 6, no picture). What's cool about that foam finger is that it's going to be in the shape of the shaka sign (fingers folded down, thumb and pinkie extended) in honor of the Flyin' Hawaiian. It will be nice to go a game at the Bank and see Philly fans holding something other than their preferred phinger phormation.
Atlanta Braves
Slogan: "The Excitement of Turner Field"
Promotion: I'm torn between Marching Band Night, Wild West Night, and the Business Fan Special. Ugh. These promotions seem so tedious that part of me wonders whether Atlanta is actually fake posting these promotions as a way of keeping visitors away. What's really going down at Turner Field, anyway? Color me intrigued.
Florida Marlins
Slogan: "Serious Fun. Get in on it!"
Serious fun sounds like something a parent would say to convince a kid to go to summer school, or an academic camp, or what a boss would say to sell sensitivity training day to the staff. You're not fooling me, Marlins. Marlins fans would be wise to make sure they get their mandated bathroom breaks and lunch hour off whenever they find themselves at the stadium.Promotion: Hanley Ramirez .342 batting average NL batting champion necklace (April 9). Nightclubs in Miami should all agree to allow anyone rocking one of these into their establishments for free, no questions asked. Except for Hanley Ramirez, of course. He should be punished for not winning the batting title with a cooler looking number. Would .345 have been so hard? C'mon!
New York Mets
Slogan: "We Believe in Comebacks" Has anyone else witnessed the atrocity that has been Omarion on
America's Best Dance Crew? His analysis adds nothing to the show, yet there he is, week after week, reiterating the same points he has come to rely on (American Idol viewers, feel free to use Ellen for this analogy). Anyway, I like to imagine Omar(ion) Minaya relying on this same strategy in his analysis of baseball players: "You know, Gary Matthews, Jr. has an OPS under .700 the last two years, but when you look at him, and you just know he's a baseball player. The kid was born to play baseball. You can throw out every stat in the book, at the end of the day, Gary just gets it done. Look at that one catch he had a couple years back. Can you imagine him roaming around our Citi Field in center? You've convinced me. We better sign him, quick."Promotion: Home Run Apple (April 5). It has to be bittersweet that the best day to be a Mets fan this year falls on opening day.
Washington Nationals
Slogan: "NatsTown: Get Your Red On" Is it me or is there a little marketing tit-for-tat brewing between Baltimore's Birdland and Washington's NatsTown? I'm not sure who comes out ahead here. On the one hand, Birdland sounds green and close to nature. On the other, NatsTown appears to be run by an autocrat who is hell bent on red clothing for the people, which provides its own curious appeal. It seems that the Steven Strasburg versus Matt Wieters battles over the next decade might have a lot more riding on them than balls and strikes.
Promotion: Fans Choice Bobblehead (August 28). Like the Nationals themselves, there's not a whole lot to get excited about in the promotions department right now. That is until Steven Strasburg gets called up and pitches like everyone anticipates he will. Wouldn't he be a great fit to be a player chosen by fans for this late summer giveaway? Well played, Nats brass. Well played.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment